Peace is an Uphill Climb

Above anything else, I want my home to be a safe place for our family.  I don't just mean a physically safe place (though I definitely do want that).  I want home to be the place where it is safe to retreat after a colossal failure and to receive the encouragement necessary to go back out and try again.  I want home to be the place where it is safe to share your crazy dreams and secret aspirations.  I want home to be a place where it is safe to cry or laugh, ask questions or sit quietly, all within the framework of knowing that you will always belong here and will always be embraced.

But this kind of environment, this attitude and atmosphere is a tall order!  Peace in the household requires more than simply "live and let live" or "do no harm".  It is not enough to avoid actively hurting or offending others.  Rather, peace takes purposeful, intentional (and often strenuous, self-sacrificing) effort!  Listen to how God's Word talks about peace ...

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalms 34:14

Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy.
Proverbs 12:20

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Romans 12:18

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
Romans 14:19

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
James 3:18

... be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace.
2 Peter 3:14

[emphases mine]

Even as I read this, I am struck by how little of my day is spent intentionally seeking the peace of the household.  And, of course, none of us can do this consistently or perfectly.  So why make a case out of it?

I have found that this concept has been a foundational discussion in getting to the bottom of some of the trickiest struggles amongst the members of our household.  Yes, there are certainly times when someone actually meant to hurt someone, damage their property or say unkind things.  But at least as many times there are things said or done that weren't intentionally wounding and yet everyone nearby can sense that the result was upsetting. 

Rather than asking my children "Were you being unkind?" or "Why did you hurt her?" I realized that it often makes more sense to ask "Were you seeking the peace of the household?" or "Were you living peaceably, as far as it depends on you?"  This isn't meant to "pin" them with blame or to create a "gotcha" moment.  And I don't intend to convey that a failure to seek peace is an equally grievous offense as an intentional desire to wound.  Rather I simply want to reframe the attitudes and goals of interactions in the household.  Our goal as a family isn't to proceed on following our own desires and hoping to avoid conflict, but to actively plan for peace.

"Not thinking" about what you are doing or saying is not an excuse that renders you blameless in the offending of others.  "Not thinking," rather, is an admission that you were not seeking, striving, pursuing and planning for peace.  It may be true that you "didn't intend" to hurt.  But did you "intend" to bless, encourage and build up?

Dear Mama, as you lead your children in considering their hearts, consider your own as well (or perhaps first per Matthew 7:4).  How many times a day do we all fall short in this way?  We have our own agenda in mind and we fail to ...

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Are you seeking peace ... or just wanting to get the stupid laundry and school work accomplished?  Are you planning for peace ... or planning to avoid inconvenience and discomfort?  Does this seem unbelievably challenging?  Humanly impossible?  Well, it should!  This is a divine task to which we have been called.  Peace doesn't come cheaply.  Think of what it cost Christ:

For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
Colossians 1:19-20

He shed his blood to gain peace with us.  And he shed his blood to give us the freedom to purposefully, diligently and actively pursue peace with others.  When you fail to seek peace, go to the cross in front of your children.  And when they fail to seek peace, lead them to the cross with you.  Pray with me as I pray for our household and yours!

May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
2 Peter 1:2-4

The LORD bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children's children! Peace be upon Israel!
Psalms 128:5-6

This post is a part of the Mama Marriage Counselor series.  The next few posts in this series will expand on and flesh out the concept of seeking peace in the details of life at home.

Phonics Investigation Challenge #2: -s and -ed

Welcome to this week's Phonics Investigation Challenge!  If you explore this challenge with your kiddos this week, be sure to leave a comment below so that we can include you in the shout-out next week!  You can watch the Scope below or read the text that follows.


Last week we explored the difference between voiced and unvoiced sounds.  This week we are going to expand on that concept by looking at two endings we sometimes add to words: -s and -ed.  We add an -s to nouns (naming words) so that they can name more than one (one cat, two cats).  We add an -s to verbs (action words) so that they can match with the subject of the sentence (We see.  Bill sees.)  We add an -ed to the end of action verbs so that they can tell about something that happened in the past.

But have you ever noticed that these sounds aren't always pronounced the same?  Say these two words out loud and think about the sound of the -s at the end.

cats
dogs

Sometimes the -s says /s/ and sometimes it says /z/!  Now try these three words and think about the sound of the -ed at the end.  (Hint: You might want to try saying the word without the -ed and then adding on the -ed to see how it changes the word.)

braided
stayed
packed

If you have studied the -ed sound much, I am sure that you have already learned that sometimes the -ed adds a syllable; it says /ed/.  But sometimes instead of adding a new syllable, it only adds the sound /d/ or /t/ to the end of the word.  Look around at words you see with -s and -ed endings.  Do you notice the different sounds those endings can make?  That leads us to our challenge for the week!

1. Can you figure out what the relationship between the /s/ and /z/ sounds of the -s or the /t/ and /d/ sounds of the -ed is?
2. Can you notice any patterns in the base word (the word that you add endings to) that will give you an idea about whether the -s will say /s/ or /z/ or whether the -ed will say /ed/, /t/ or /d/?
3. Bonus: One of these endings is more complicated to pronounce today than it was a hundred or two hundred years ago.  Do you know which one and how it has changed?

Happy exploring!  As usual, be sure to share what you found in the comment so I can mention you in next week's shout-out!

Voiced and Unvoiced - Answers!

Our first Phonics Investigation Challenge has come to an end.  Time for answers and shout-outs!

Here were the three challenge questions:

1. When you read, keep an eye out for the "th" sounds.  Which one do you hear more often - the voiced or the unvoiced "th"?
2. There are several other pairs of sounds just like this: your mouth, lips, teeth and tongue stay in the same position and only the presence or absence of the "buzzing" of the vocal chords makes the difference between sounds.  Some of these pairs can be found among the basic sounds of letters of the alphabet, so start there.  But there are some more complicated versions as well!
3. As you experiment with the sounds of the letters of the alphabet, you may notice that there is one type of letter that is always voiced.  Can you discover what that category might be?

Answers:

1. This answer may vary depending on what you were reading.  The unvoiced "th" occurs in more English words, but the words which use a voiced "th" (like "the", "this", "that", "these" and "those") appear much more frequently in English!
2. Here are some other pairs of voiced and unvoiced sounds.
   /b/ like the b in book and /p/ like the p in pet
   /g/ like the g in gum and /k/ like the k in king or the c in cat
   /d/  like the d in dog and /t/ like the t in ten
   /j/ like the j in jump and /ch/ like the ch in church
   /v/ like the v in van and /f/ like the f in fun
   /z/ like the z in zoo and /s/ like the s in sip or the c in city
   /zh/ like the g in genre or the si in vision and /sh/ like the sh in ship or the ti nation
3. While consonants and consonant "team" sounds can be voiced or unvoiced, vowels (all of the different sounds that they each make) are always voiced!

Congratulations to Doug W. for answering the third part of the challenge correctly!

If you are on Periscope, you can catch our next Challenge live tomorrow afternoon (details at the bottom of this page)!  If not, be sure to check the website tomorrow evening and I'll put a link to the Scope on Katch.  Happy Investigating!

It Happened without Me

Sometimes I think that it would be so encouraging if I could trace all of the wonderful moments in homeschooling and parenting back to the great things I've done, taught or prepared.  But then all the pressure would be on me to keep them happening, wouldn't it?  And so, today, I am rejoicing in what happens without me and how God brings beauty apart from any doing on my part.

I shared here about our very simple schedule.  There are so many things I wish I could include.  But knowing my own personal limitations is the name of the game right now.  So we do what we can and we leave the rest to the Lord.  And this is what He does with it.

Last night at dinner, we each received a ticket ...

Preparations were under wraps.

A crowd gathered, anticipating the grand opening.

There was artwork, as at any gallery opening ...

But how many gallery openings have you visited that included an art history read aloud by the artist?

A generous supporter of the arts even made a purchase.

She was on cloud nine.  I  must admit that I was, too.

Mama Marriage Counselor

I'm starting a new series on the blog today and along with it a new page to collect the related posts.  You can find the text below on the Mama Marriage Counselor page (also a new tab at the top of the blog) and look there to see new posts as they are added.

Who had it first?  Who does it belong to?  Where did she find it?  What did she do to you after that?

Do you decide for the plaintiff or the defendant?  And which one is which anyway?

I used to view my role in sibling disputes more like that of a judge: hear the facts, render a verdict and hand down a sentence.

And then one day, everything began to change When God Turned the Tables on Me.

And now, I am learning, slowly, that being a mama in the midst of little people is more like the role of a marriage counselor than the role of a judge.  Sure, I can make a ruling on who gets the ball, who gets to sit there, or whose turn is next.  That is much simpler and quicker.  And it is of value to my children ... for about the next 35 seconds until another dispute erupts.  Or, I can walk alongside them and teach them how to understand what is going on in their own hearts.  I can view each "episode" as a learning opportunity for understanding people, their needs, our needs and our own tendencies.  And that is of eternally lasting value.

There are, however, two problems with this second approach.  First, it takes a lot longer.  It is a lot more challenging mentally, physically and emotionally to really invest into people's lives, to sit with them in their struggle and to be a safe place for them to turn their hearts inside out and dump everything onto the table for you to peruse.

Secondly, it will inevitably lead to your own journey of self-discovery.  You will never be that safe place unless your heart is inside out on the table, too.  But hold onto your hat, sister.  Once you start this journey, side by side with those little people who live in your home and breathe the same air you breathe, you will never be the same again.  It is like drinking from a fire hydrant.  So much testing by fire (or by water?) that sometimes you will wish you could go back to being the impartial judge and sentence-declarer.

And this is why we need to, we must take this journey in community.  Will you join us here?  Think of this as the counselors' meeting room.  Let us stir one another up to love and good works!

When God Turned the Tables on Me

Note: Even though I am new to blogging, I have been writing for years because it really helps me to process my thoughts.  Most of the things I write have just hibernated on my hard drive.  But I have shared a few things over the years, and this is one of them.  So if you know me in real life, this may be a re-run.

It was a fairly routine morning.  We had slogged through breakfast and clean-up and we were somewhere in the middle of making it through the morning.  I don’t even remember if this was one of the days when we attempted to accomplish some school work or not.  What I do remember was that the children were at each other with bickering and arguing.  I also remember that I was tired of dealing with it and just wanted it all to stop.  So, I did what (I thought) any good Christian mother would do.  I marched them all into the living room and sat them all on the sofa so that I could beat them over the head with some Bible verses (figuratively, not literally).

Although I knew better, I tended to treat Scripture as a handy list of how-to’s which, if I could conform my children closely enough to, would lead to a smoothly-run and peaceful household.  This particular day, I wanted to persuade my children of the importance of dealing with inter-personal problems according to the simple and straightforward method laid out in Matthew 18.  Follow this recipe, I wanted to convey, and we will all be a lot happier.

I opened up to Matthew 18 and scanned down through the verses until I came to the part about your neighbor trespassing against you.  I was reading to them from the King James Version and in that version, verse 15 begins in this way …

“Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee …”

I’ve listened to enough sermons in my lifetime to know that if a verse begins with something like “Moreover” or “Therefore” it means that the current statements are based on the context of what came before it.  So, in an attempt to be a good Bible scholar, I decided to back up to the beginning of the passage to put the pertinent verses in their context.  But an amazing thing happened as I read and explained.  I realized that God had turned the tables on me.  It was I who was being “beaten over the head” (although with far more tenderness and compassion than I had myself managed to muster) with these verses.

In Matthew 18, Christ begins by talking about little children.  In order to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must become like a little child.  In fact, God’s love for his little children is so deep and so fierce that he has stern warnings for those who cause one of his little ones to stray.  He compares himself to a shepherd who will do whatever it takes to seek after lost sheep.  And it is in this context, directly on the heels of the sheep-seeking illustration that the “Moreover” of verse 15 arrives.

Suddenly, it hit me.  Verses 15 and following are not intended primarily as a neat and orderly protocol for mediating human disputes and achieving justice (though in God’s providence, that may result).  Instead, these verses are a quick-reference guide on the active practice of participating with Christ in the sheep-seeking mandate.

So, what does someone sinning against you have to do with seeking lost sheep?  Well, presumably, if the sin was committed against you, then you were the first one to know that one of Christ’s sheep strayed off the path.  You were watching when he wandered out of the pasture, so, naturally, the first responsibility falls to you to run after him.  And, if you can’t manage the rescue on your own, you need to get help!

Even in the moment, I felt the difficulty of these words.  Wait a minute, someone sins against me, wounds me, disrespects me, treats me wrongly … and God is expecting me to joyfully jump up and go cheerfully after him, coaxing him to come back and hang out with us?  In a word, Yes.

Thankfully, the Lord anticipated my incredulity, and apparently Peter could relate to it, too.  You can hear the tension in his voice when he asks the Lord how many times one is expected to do this.  Doesn’t there come a point when we are released from the seemingly-impossible task of running after someone who has just hurt us?  Isn’t there some kind of limit or breaking point?  As was often his way, the Lord responded to Peter (and to me) with a parable.

The parable he tells is about the wicked servant who is forgiven an impossible debt by the king and then refuses to forgive a small debt to a friend.  Essentially, Christ was saying, “Well, Peter, I’m only asking you to do a small fraction of what I did for you.”  How can Christ expect us to run lovingly after someone who has just spit in our faces or slapped us or mocked us?  Because that’s exactly what he did for us.  Except our sins against him are sins against the infinite God and Creator of the universe, whereas the sins of others against us are simply sins against finite, created human beings.

When someone sins against us, we should be concerned about the offense that was committed.  But we should be concerned about it more fully as it serves to hamper that person’s relationship with the almighty God than in whatever sense it damaged that person’s relationship with us.  David recognized the much weightier sense of sin as an obstacle to his relationship with God when he said, in Psalm 51, “Against thee, thee only have I sinned …”  Certainly it was true that he had sinned against Uriah, Bathsheba, Joab, his soldiers and even the people of Israel as a whole.  But in the ultimate sense, the greatest weight of his offense was found in sinning against God.

So, here I was facing my children with a Bible in hand that I had planned to use like a wrecking ball to smack them around a little bit and whip them into shape for my own personal pleasure and convenience.  And instead, the Lord used Matthew 18 to say to me, “Are you running after these little sheep like I would run after them, to coax them back tenderly?  Or are you doing a better job of chasing them further away with your arrogant, self-centered attitude?  Watch out.  I don’t take kindly to those who cause my little ones to stumble.”

I considered myself warned.  Instead of lecturing, I confessed my sin to my children and I asked their forgiveness.  Thus began my journey into understanding that, while there is something truly unique and special about the privilege I have been given to be the mother of these dear children, there are also many ways in which my relationship with them is very like my relationship with my other brothers and sisters in Christ.  And because of this, there is no shortage of wisdom in all of Scripture, and in Matthew 18 about how to be a good mother to the little portion of the flock over which my Father has given me particular care and jurisdiction.

This post is a part of the Mama Marriage Counselor series.

Phonics Investigation Challenge #1: Voiced and Unvoiced

Welcome to the very first Phonics Investigation Challenge!  If you explore this concept with your kiddos, be sure to comment below and share what you've found.  Next week I'll add a shout-out to those who participated!  (Feel free to use the family name, initials or some other abbreviation for your kiddos for the sake of Internet privacy if you prefer.)

Note: If you learn better by watching and listening, you can Katch the Periscope broadcast here.

One of the things our family has enjoyed recently has been exploring and investigating our English language, pronunciation and phonics.  We've discovered that of all the sounds we make in order to speak English, they can be divided into "voiced" sounds and "unvoiced" sounds.  Have you ever played a kazoo?  (If not, you can click here for instructions on how to make your own kazoo with just a comb and a piece of wax paper!)  If you simply blow on a kazoo, you hear only the sound of air passing through your lips and the instrument.  But if you add a humming sound, you will vibrate the material of the kazoo (like the wax paper) and make a buzzing sound.

The same idea happens with the sounds of the alphabet.  Sounds are partly determined by how you shape your mouth and lips and where you place your tongue with relationship to your teeth and lips.  But sounds are also determined by whether you simply blow air through your mouth or whether you also make a humming or buzzing sound along with blowing air.

To try this out, put your hand on your vocal chords (the front of your neck) and say the word "think".  Stretch out the "th" sound at the beginning of the word.  Do you feel your vocal chords vibrating?  If you aren't sure, try this comparison.  Now say the word "this" and again stretch out the "th" sound.  Can you feel the difference?  For both pronunciations of "th" your mouth, lips, teeth and tongue are in the same position.  The only difference in the sound is the vibration of the vocal chords!

Pretty cool, huh?  Want to investigate more?  Here are some challenges for you this week:

1. When you read, keep an eye out for the "th" sounds.  Which one do you hear more often - the voiced or the unvoiced "th"?
2. There are several other pairs of sounds just like this: your mouth, lips, teeth and tongue stay in the same position and only the presence or absence of the "buzzing" of the vocal chords makes the difference between sounds.  Some of these pairs can be found among the basic sounds of letters of the alphabet, so start there.  But there are some more complicated versions as well!
3. As you experiment with the sounds of the letters of the alphabet, you may notice that there is one type of letter that is always voiced.  Can you discover what that category might be?

Happy exploring, guys!  And please share your discoveries in the comments below!  We can wait to see what you find!